The Art of Neighboring by Jay Pathak & Dave Runyan (Review)
I received my copy of The Art of Neighboring by Jay Pathak & Dave Runyan from a local leader who has modeled neighboring and service for many years. I’m grateful for the book and the many essential ideas it carries. The book centers around the Gospel teaching to love your neighbor as yourself, yet it offers an important point of focus.
There can be a tendency to (rightly) conclude that everyone is your neighbor. But when thinking how to practically live out this principle, the idea that everyone is our neighbor can make us look at everything so generally that we do not take any steps to interact or care for people. By trying to love many people, we are likely loving very few. Jesus assumed people would care for the people who were in close proximity, and Pathak and Runyan make the point that we should do the same.
The Art of Neighboring uses the following illustration as you consider your neighbors. Consider the tik-tak-toe board of neighbors who are around you. Do you know them? Do you know anything meaningful about them or are you showing anything that resembles real love? Answering these questions in the affirmative may require putting ourselves in uncomfortable situations, but it’s what Jesus modeled and pays incredible dividends for building thriving communities.
Here are a few themes to consider:
Consistency and regular habits make the difference in being neighborly and building relationships. Consider Cal Ripken’s iron-man streak: showing up day after day can add up to big things. Pathak and Runyan emphasize that small, consistent actions, like greeting your neighbors daily or regularly engaging in neighborhood events, can accumulate into strong, meaningful relationships.
We should not love our neighbor in order to convert others to Christ. We love God and our neighbors because we have committed to following Jesus. The authors argue that genuine love for neighbors should be unconditional, not based on any ulterior motives of conversion. This sincerity of our love has a greater effect than any words could.
Boundaries with people: responsibility to people versus responsibility for people. Pathak and Runyan make a crucial distinction between being responsible to our neighbors and being responsible for them. While we are called to be present and supportive, we must also recognize our own limits and not take on more than we can handle.
The concept of “reciprocal hospitality” is another important theme. Pathak and Runyan highlight the importance of not only offering help but also being willing to receive it from our neighbors. This mutual exchange fosters deeper connections and breaks down barriers, creating a more authentic and balanced relationship. This is an area that does not come easily to me.
Relatedly, the authors discuss the objective of “unhurried time.” They note that genuine interactions with our neighbors require us to slow down and even make changes to love our neighbors well. This is another area that is a struggle, particularly in this stage of raising kids. Yet there is not an escape clause for not loving our neighbors, just because we’re exceedingly busy.
One final point that relates to the themes listed above is the understanding that we are not responsible for the outcome of our neighboring. We are called to love as Christ teaches, irrespective of how we are received. If we focus solely on outcomes, we miss the essence of the instruction on how to live in relation to those around us. Loving our neighbors well is an aspiration that we need more of as we seek to turn our cities into true communities. By embracing this approach, we can create environments where genuine connections grow into stronger, more compassionate communities.
